Lost in Translation

This evening provided me with an excellent subject to talk about. Ordering takeaways and talking to foreign people. I decided after a busy hockey day in which I did a lot of running for mostly no reason, and getting a fair amount of work done, I deserved a takeaway. Now, we live about 9 seconds walk (maybe 8.. or 10) from a cash-point. Throughout nearly all of last year this cash point was free to withdraw money from (glorious), but without being able to specify an exact date, they started charging 99p to withdraw money. First of all what an absolute outrage, it's attached to a shop called K&C stores which seems to be open about 20 hours a day, and stocks more variety of stuff than Tesco, so we'd pop round to the cashpoint and go in to buy a tub of Ben & Jerrys Ice Cream. However it's not a great deal paying £1 to take out £10 for ice cream, so it's either take out a decent amount to make it worth while, pay by card which is £5 minimum (Ben & Jerrys £4.50 ish), or walk the extra 6 minute round trip to the other cashpoint which is still free (probably not for long, I blame the government). Back to takeaways, so I have no cash, which means I'll need to order through a website that takes card payment. Just.eat is a fairly well known takeaway service thing that lets you order from all sorts of places with easy ordering and easy payment, unfortunately what they do well in order and payment, they completely cock up in delivery and order accuracy. They've missed out so much food we've ordered I think next time the driver will just turn up and expect payment for the smell of curry inside the bag that we apparently ordered. Today however it took it to a whole new level. I ordered from a chinese takeaway called Silver Palace or something like that, never ordered from there before and never will again (Ouch). As an overview, it took 2 hours 20 minutes to get to me, and to be fair it was delicious, but I wouldn't wait that long if Jamie Oliver had cooked it (even though he is gorgeous... hmmm). I rang the restaurant/hostel/burger van 4 times in total, the first time they told me the driver was running late and it would be on it's way soon, the second was similar saying the driver had my order and was on his way, the third consisted of the "Lost in Translation" moment. The fourth was my free stuff negotiation, but in the third... In my best Chinese accent I tried to explain that 2 hours was not an acceptable amount of time to wait for food, in the Chinese woman's best Chinese accent (not as good as mine) she managed to find out the order hadn't even gone through, so it turns out the guy probably was going to deliver a bag of air. By telling the rubbish accented Chinese woman that it was for house number 85, she deduced that the meal had cost £8.50 or I had ordered at 8:05 and the meal wasn't actually 2 hours late after all (I didn't think steam could come out of ears in real life but it did). I managed to speak to a nice Welsh chap who turned out to be the delivery driver, who chucked in a free bottle of coke and prawn crackers, Result. My housemates and I have some issues with ordering quite often, I'm normally the prime candidate for ordering Chinese, because I'm quite well travelled, it means I can speak to the Chinese people better (not the case despite my unbelievable accent), so we have limited success with takeaways. I'll leave you with a memory, from France on a ski trip, where I wasn't so lost in translation. I had just come off the slopes (ski slopes, with snow on), and went into the cafe for a drink. In my best French I said to the waitress, Bonjour, Je voudrais une chocolat chaux si'l vous plait (Hello, I would like one hot chocolate please). The woman stared at me with an incredibly blank look on her face (If what I just wrote actually means, I've killed your grandmother and she makes a great hatstand, then please let me know).. but the answer I got confused me despite the language it came in. She answered my perfect French with.. "Yeah mate the hot chocolate is absolute diiiiamond, do you want cream wiv it?". No word of a lie, in better English than I speak.

Out of the chair, in bed.